Moments In Time
by Brindabella
Summary: A new era opens in PJ and Jo's lives, and, haunted by dreams and premonitions, they both soon learn that just one moment can change everything. Please read and review!


Date begun: January 1st, 2005

Date finished: February 4th, 2005

Song Credits: Cyndi Lauper, Stevie Wonder, Axiom, U2, Ronan Keating, Des'ree

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to the writer; they remain property of Channel Seven and Southern Star

Dedication: For Ellie, Lara and Camille, for the October '03 Open Troupe girls – Winners! And for Elle, who is the inspiration behind all my PJo fics.

- A person is reported missing every 18 minutes in Australia. Help missing persons be reunited with their families, and solve the mysteries behind the disappearances by calling Crimestoppers if you have any information –

**Moments in Time**

They lay in bed together, but not close. They were just two figures in a bed, now with nothing in common, no love left between them. It had torn them apart, and nothing could ever change that. Nothing except maybe if they found Ellie. Then Jo just knew that things would go back to the way things had been just a year ago. But that was all that could do it. And after a year – 365 whole days – Jo had all but given up hope. If they were going to find her, they would have by now.

For a while things were perfect. PJ and Jo lived in a bubble of their own, and when Ellie had arrived, the baby Jo had always longed for, it had just completed the circle. Three precious years they had shared. They were the family everyone envied, and PJ and Jo had never been happier. But one moment had changed everything.

It was Ellie's third birthday, and they were celebrating it with a party at the picnic area of the National Park. Guests were arriving in a steady stream, but all Ellie wanted to do was climb on the playground equipment. Relenting, only because it was her birthday, Jo let Ellie play on the seesaws and slides. Ellie grabbed at her fathers hand and dragged him over to the playground, giggling excited squeals. PJ had laughed and let himself be dragged by his daughter. He sat on the grass and watched as she climbed all over everything in sight. 'She's going to be a gymnast,' he thought to himself, smiling in the sunlight.

"PJ!" a voice called out. It was a voice PJ hadn't heard for more than a year. But he knew it instantly. He got up, turning around and brushing the grass off his pants. He shook hands with Ben and they shared a hug. PJ's back was only turned for a moment, but it was a moment he'd regretted ever since. That one moment had changed their lives forever.

All the party guests, and Jo and PJ, searched everywhere. For hours. But she was gone. PJ couldn't understand how she could just disappear, his little girl. On her birthday. The night before she had been so excited she could barely sleep, and now she was gone. She had bounced around the house that morning, excited beyond comprehension and ready to go to her party from the moment she woke up.

PJ had carried her on his shoulders to their picnic spot after they had parked the car, and Ellie had bounced in time with PJ's step. And then she had seen the playground equipment, and Jo had let her go. Less than five minutes later PJ had turned his back to greet Ben and they had lost their daughter forever.

And it had changed PJ and Jo forever. At first Jo had thought the strength of their love could hold them together, but she quickly realised it couldn't. They loved their daughter too much, and she had disappeared, so had their love for one another. It had just floated away. They now walked numbly through life, working on autopilot and communicating little. They were still married, they still lived together, they still even slept in the same bed, but they were worlds apart. Everyday they both looked at the many photos of Ellie that were scattered throughout their house. Their hearts ached for their daughter, everyday they wished she could be found alive and they could be together again, as a family.

At night they laid side by side in bed, both staring at the ceiling. It didn't feel right to hold each other anymore. When Ellie had first disappeared they had found comfort in each others arms, as any worried, grieving parents would. But no matter how much they threw their hearts and souls into finding their little girl, going down ever avenue of inquiry, exhausting every lead, so many of which were just false hopes, they had no luck. And it pulled PJ and Jo apart. They lost hope and nothing seemed worth the effort anymore. Jo had even contemplated leaving the force. It just didn't mean anything to her anymore.

Nothing in their lives changed, and each day felt like the one before. Without their daughter their lives were bleak. Once upon a time they were strong enough to work out problems like this. They'd overcome the Maggie Doyle hurdle – together. Jo had felt that they could do anything after that. But the loss of a child was more than they could bear. There was simply no strength left.

The morning that would've been Ellie's fourth birthday, Jo awoke early, having not been able to sleep a wink with Ellie and her memories of her laying heavy on her mind. PJ probably hadn't slept a wink either, but he was scrunched up on the other side of the bed, his shoulders hunched up, and his face buried in the pillow. He was as far away as he could get from Jo, and she didn't even want to touch him anyway to check if he was awake or not. They had lost all hunger for each other. They were almost two strangers now.

She padded out of bed and out of the room, not once looking over her shoulder at PJ. She wandered into the living room, passing Ellie's bedroom door as she went, the name Ellie emblazoned on there with red and blue wooden letters.

Jo's stomach didn't want breakfast that morning, and instead, she sat down on the couch, a photograph of her, Ellie and PJ in her hands. She clutched the frame to her chest for a few moments, her heart aching so badly for her daughter and a few stray tears squeezing out of her eyes. Then, wiping them away, she stared glassy eyed at the photo in the frame. It was from Christmas and the smile on Ellie's face was a mile wide. They were sitting on the very same couch Jo was sitting on that morning, Ellie between her proud parents, clutching a new fluffy teddy near.

The phone ringing bought Jo out of her trance, and unwillingly she got up to answer it, muttering a hello into the receiver.

"Jo?" it was Evan.

"What?" she mumbled in reply, sounding every bit as though she'd had a restless night.

"They've found something…" he started, sounding cautious. "It's Ellie."

Jo's mouth opened, but no words came out. She dropped the phone not realising her actions. She sunk to her knees, and then, noticing the phone dangling from its cord against the wall in front of her, she picked it up again. "Where?" she whispered.

"Bottom of Mt Martin," he replied, almost not wanting to tell her. "The deepest, lowest part of the decline."

Jo sobbed into the phone, unable to control her emotions.

"That's why no-one ever found her. She fell so far, so far down," he said, even his emotions swaying.

"We'll be right there," she managed to tell Evan. As she hung up she let loose a cry. "PJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!" she screamed, her face contorted, her eyes squeezed shut and her arms holding her stomach as she doubled over, an invisible, unknown pain streaking through her body.

The scream jolted PJ awake instantly and he fell out of bed, half stumbling, half running in the direction of Jo's cry. His eyes fell on Jo, crouched on the kitchen floor, her hair having fallen messily over her eyes. He ran to her, sinking to the ground in front of her, and holding her upper arms. "What is it?" a panicked look on his face as he looked into her eyes, stricken.

"They've found her," she sobbed, collapsing into PJ's arms for the first time in a long time. He knew straight away that she meant their daughter. He held Jo tight against him, and he sobbed with her, their lives falling apart all over again, just like it had the day Ellie had gone missing.

PJ and Jo walked silently through the bush, following behind Susie, Jonesy, several SES workers and two ambulance officers. PJ and Jo didn't hold hands, their closeness that morning now just a memory.

The bush had a peaceful calmness to it, a calmness that was somewhat of a comfort to the parents. Jo looked across at PJ as they trampled through the dry leaves and brittle twigs that littered the ground. She looked at his stone like face, his features and emotions unreadable, like they had been since the day Ellie went missing. She often wondered if she'd ever see the caring, gentle face of her husband again. The face she used to see when he gave his daughter a piggy back, or read her a story, or kissed her goodnight, or played with her in the garden. But that was in the past. They had reached the site.

An SES worker motioned to Jo and PJ to follow him. They trod carefully down a secluded narrow embankment, almost completely hidden by over hanging rock, so hidden and overhanging that they had to bend over low, crouching as they walked to reach the site. A few metres further on, they stopped when the SES worker turned to them. He had a sympathetic look on his face as he begun to speak. "We're going down here so that you can see if this is your daughter or not," he sighed, almost like he wish he didn't have this job. "It might be her, it might not, but wither way, we need you to formally identify the body," he turned and continued walking, but then after just a few steps he stopped again and turned once more to face PJ and Jo. "This body's been down here for a long time. It may not be the prettiest of sights."

Jo didn't have the strength within herself to prepare herself for what she was about to see. She just couldn't do it. She'd hurt enough already. She reached for PJ's hand and they held hands tightly. So tight. To help each other with what they were about to face. She stood still, her eyes closed, not wanting to go any further, but PJ guided her along, still holding her hand. She could feel tears slipping down her cheeks, but she was powerless to stop them falling from her eyes.

A few metres on they stopped and Jo forced herself to look. She looked everywhere but where she was supposed to, but she at last made herself look. And when her eyes saw it, she felt like her soul collapsed. She felt light headed and faint, but kept a steady gaze with what was in front of her. It was Ellie. It was her dress, her white sandals, her little silver id bracelet on her left wrist. It was definitely her.

She turned to PJ and fell into his arms, defeated. She cried and cried, like her heart was breaking. And when she stopped to think about it, her heart probably was breaking. She'd lost her child for certain now. This was the final moment, the last chapter. Ellie Meika Hasham was gone.

PJ was awoken by a soft, heart wrenching noise. He opened his eyes in the dark, waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked beside him. There was Jo, the woman he loved, crying in her sleep, curled up and her face the picture of sadness. He reached over to touch her, but even then she wouldn't wake up. She continued to weep in her sleep, crying like it was the end of the world.

Alarmed slightly, he pulled her into his arms gently, hoping to calm her, even though he couldn't wake her. She was a floppy heavy sleeping weight as he pulled her over to his side of the bed and they lay together, Jo huddled in PJ's arms and he held her tight while she cried in short little bursts.

At last she awoke. She breathed in and out deeply, yet shakily, and swiped a hand across her eyes, smearing her tears.

"Why were you crying Jo?" PJ asked. She looked up at him, a scared and bewildered look on her face. It was only then that she realised her eyes were wet with tears and she had just tried to wipe them away. PJ looked at her, concerned. "You were crying in your sleep," he brushed away the remainder of her tears with his own hand.

She gripped PJ's blue cotton t-shirt with her hand. Looking up into his eyes she spoke, a level of fear present in the tome of her voice. "I dreamt…" she began. "I dreamt we had a daughter. We called her Ellie Meika Hasham. Meika from your side of the family," she smiled briefly for a moment. "But we lost her," she cried softly, her head dropping onto the pillow.

"We lost her?" PJ asked, stroking her hand.

Jo nodded. "She went missing. On her third birthday. We couldn't find her anywhere, and we fell apart, you and I. We changed. Everything changed."

"And then what?" PJ asked cautiously.

"Then they found her, on her fourth birthday, down the bottom of Mt Martin," Jo shuddered. "She'd fallen. She'd fallen so far, but we could tell it was her. She still had on an id bracelet you'd bought her when she was born."

"Oh Jo," PJ didn't know what to say. He wished she didn't have to have such a disturbing dream. Jo had wanted a baby for a while now, and had been talking about it of late. PJ had been reluctant at first t talk about it, but he could tell how much Jo wanted a child, and he wanted to make her happy. But he didn't just want to have a baby to make Jo happy; he wanted it for himself too. Time was getting along, and he wasn't getting any younger. And he was ready too. A child, with the woman he now knew he loved most in the world, was what he had been pining for and he hadn't even realised it.

"Were you scared?" PJ asked her, holding her in his arms protectively.

Jo closed her eyes for a few moments, as if trying to erase the dream from her thoughts. It didn't work. The images remained in her mind as vivid as ever, no matter how much she tried to push them away. Finally though, she nodded. "Yeah," she whispered her admittance to him.

He hugged her tight, trying to console her and at the same time trying not to think what sort of a state he'd be in of he'd had a dream like that.

"I'm still scared," Jo went on. "What if something like that happens in real life?" she asked him.

"Oh Jo," he began, attempting to convince her otherwise.

"What if we can never have a baby?" she asked, the sadness in her voice clear as she spoke. "Is this a sign? A sign of things to come?"

"Oh Jo," PJ said again. "Don't think like that. Who knows what will happen in the future?"

"But I've already had one false alarm, and that bought me crashing back down to earth. What if we never have any luck? I'm scared of what might happen now."

"We can't predict the future Jo, don't plan your life around what _might_ happen," PJ had a feeling he wasn't getting through to Jo.

Jo might as well have been in another room for all the listening she was doing. "And what if…" she choked back a sob. "What if you and I don't work out too? What if we fall apart, like we did in my dream?" she looked forlornly up into PJ's eyes, and then shuddered. "That was so horrible," she blinked furiously, trying to hold back her tears. "We didn't even know each other anymore."

Upon hearing this, PJ was reminded of a time, a time that was almost like another life, and that Jo knew little about, when he had uncovered Robbie Doyle's heroin habit. Trying to get through to Maggie then had been a near impossible task, and she was a completely different person during that time. It had changed PJ too, and he had felt so disconnected from Maggie. And now it had happened in Jo's dream. He shuddered also.

"That will never happen Jo, I promise you," he squeezed her tight. Sometimes he had trouble telling her just how much he loved her, and this was one of those times. He hoped she could perhaps read his mind a bit and feel what his heart was feeling, and just know.

After a while Jo fell asleep in PJ's arms, her forehead still crinkled with concern and her face spelling fear. But PJ lay awake most of the night, thinking about Jo's dream. He turned it over and over in his mind. They'd had a daughter, and that made him smile. A little girl. Ellie Meika Hasham. It was a cute name. Meika especially. It was a European name; he was sure, perhaps even Lebanese. He liked it, and decided if they ever had a daughter in real life, he would tell Jo he wanted to call her Meika.

But in Jo's dream they had lost her. Lost. He'd dealt with so many missing children in his line of work, but only now did it really hit home to him. To lose your child, it must be what nightmares are made of, he thought in the darkness.

He closed his eyes, trying to put it out of his mind, and tried to get some sleep.

The next day Jo's thoughts remained under a cloud. She moped around the office through the day, that look of concern still etched on her face like she couldn't get her dream off her mind. PJ decided he needed to cheer her up. Early in the afternoon, he motioned her into his office, closing the door gently behind her. He leant up against the back of the closed door and pulled her hips to his. In spite of herself, she giggled and smiled as he kissed her.

In a world full of people  
You can lose sight of it all  
And the darkness inside you  
Can make you feel so small

Show me a smile then  
Don't be unhappy, can't remember  
When I last saw you laughing

"If we ever have a little girl, I want to call her Meika," he whispered into her ear. They both pulled away, and stared face to face, but Jo's face was not so much of an accurate reflection of PJ's. It was then that PJ realised that instead of cheering her up, he'd just reminded her of her dream yet again, therefore upsetting her more. He stroked her cheek. "Oh I'm sorry Jo," he said quietly, cursing himself for putting his foot in his mouth well and truly.

"That's such a nice name," she said sadly, looking down at PJ's jacket, straightening the leather collar absentmindedly. He saw the sadness present in her eyes, and went to kiss her again, but before he had the chance, she spoke again, her voice just a whisper. "I don't even know if I want to be a mother anymore. Do I really want a baby?" she said, asking herself rather than him. "I feel like it isn't meant to be."

PJ blinked, and craned his neck back slightly. "What?" he was chocked, visibly. "But what was that you said to me just a few weeks ago? 'I want a baby Peej – I'm ready.' What was that? He asked her.

"But you don't want a baby do you?" she asked him. "I could tell, that day when I said that. You don't want kids."

"I didn't say I didn't want kids," he replied.

"You said it was a big move."

"It is, I'm not denying that," he replied. "But I realise now it's a move I need in my life. In my life with you, together," he tried to pry a smile from her lips, or at least a look that was different to the pained, stressed look that was on her face at that moment.

"You're sure?" Jo asked. PJ thought he might've seen a glimmer of hope returning to her eyes. Did he? It was so hard to tell with Jo lately.

"Yeah," he smiled and nodded, rubbing her shoulders. PJ was so confused though, and needed to understand what Jo was truly thinking. "Isn't it what you want to?" he stared intently at her. "Tell me what's going on in that head of yours Joanna," he smiled sadly at her.

Jo's emotions were starting to run away with her. She frowned again, a look that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face now. "I don't know," she began to sob, and then just got angrier. "I don't know ok!" she was yelling and crying at the same time, and with one last look at PJ, she wrenched open the door, almost throwing PJ against the opposite wall as he stumbled forward from the force.

Jo ran through the station and out the front door, tears streaming down her cheeks the whole way. She just ran and ran, until she couldn't run anymore. The fight eventually went out of her and she sunk to the ground in the park, leaning breathlessly up against a thick tree trunk. The grass felt soft and cool and had a somewhat calming effect on her. She sat there, gasping for breath, her cheeks saturated with salty tears and her vision blurred. Her heart and her mind ached as thoughts sped through her conscience like a freight train.

He found her soon enough. She knew if he didn't, someone else from the station would, and quickly. You don't see a sobbing woman, much less a colleague, run through your workplace hysterical everyday, Jo thought to herself. Ordinarily she would've had a chuckle to herself, imagining the startled looks she would've left on their faces. Her sense of humour was often her best attribute. But not today. She didn't know what or who to turn to.

So it was lucky that PJ pulled up exactly when she needed him the most. He walked quietly over to where she sat, and then sat himself down beside her, so close their legs touched, stretched out in front of them. He took her hand and gripped it fiercely. "I love you Jo," he said. "Is that what you need to hear?" he knew he didn't say it often enough.

Jo nodded her head slowly, bringing her gaze up to his, and blinking back her tears bravely. "I really need it now, because…" she hesitated.

"What?" PJ asked, his firm grip on her hand still very much there.

"Because I think I actually am pregnant," this time she didn't dissolve into tears. She didn't quite know what to do if she was honest with herself.

"Really?" PJ's voice sounded hesitant too, like he wasn't sure whether to sound ecstatic, alarmed or shocked.

Jo shook her head at herself. She picked up a twig with her left hand and dragged it around in the dirt and leaf litter. She couldn't look at PJ, as a sense of shame had blanketed her all of a sudden. "I don't know, it just happened," she shrugged her shoulders, still looking at the ground. "Maybe I forgot to take it one morning…" she trailed off.

PJ didn't know what to say, and so just sat there, watching as she dug her twig further into the ground beside her.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this was it?" she finally looked up at him, and he simply raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, as if he didn't have an answer. "An accident. And now it has happened. An accident," she kept repeating that, as though she blamed herself, when in truth PJ played just as equal part as she did. She threw her stick away angrily. "I should never have let it happen," she sounded so uncharacteristically angry, and it startled PJ. Her tone of voice was angry, mad, and it was completely different from the tone she would take on when she got passionate about some aspect of a case and she and PJ would argue about it. That was the tone he was used to if she ever got angry. Not this.

She turned to him and spoke again. "Don't you have anything to say?" she asked almost desperately, her angry tone vanishing just as quickly as it had appeared.

"I don't really know what to say Jo," he replied. "I mean…"

"Come on PJ," Jo pleaded. "I need to know how you feel about all this," she wanted to yell at him, but for some reason she couldn't. Her eyes flicked continuously between her swirl of dirt on the ground beside her and PJ's eyes. Her head was an orchestra of complicated emotions, at that time too complicated to try and sort out.

"It's you we're dealing with here Jo," he began. "What do you want to do? Have the baby? Not have it? Stay here? Go stay with your folks for a while? He reached up and cupped her cheek with a warm hand. "It's up to you. The decision is yours."

Jo leant back and closed her eyes, wishing someone else could make the decision for her, or, even better, that she didn't have to deal with this at all. "I wish this had never happened," she whispered harshly. "One moment, one little accident, it can change everything."

They sat there for hours that afternoon, lost in their own thoughts. Neither could reach a decision, so the problem was left where it was for the moment. When the sun slipped away, and the sky began to turn a glowing shade of pink, PJ got to his feet and took Jo's hand, pulling her up. He led her back to the car, where she plopped herself dejectedly into the front passenger seat, and drove through the settling streets of Mt Thomas to the house they shared.

That night in bed, Jo lay in PJ's arms in the darkness. With his arms around her he was able to feel the uneasiness that still plagued her body. He bent his head down and kissed the top of her head, feeling the softness of her hair as he did. Jo shuffled in his arms and propped her head up on her hand. She smoothed out the bed sheet as she began to speak.

"When I was about 15, I worked in a café, and there was this man and this woman and they both used to eat there everyday, just each by themselves at their little tables across the room," she smiled, almost wistfully. "I used to watch them as they watched each other. You could tell they liked one another, but they never spoke. Then one day, he got up and invited her to eat with him, and they talked for till closing time. We had to ask them to leave in the end because we were packing up."

PJ smiled, nodding his head, and eager to hear the rest of the story.

"After that they didn't come back for a week. We all wondered where they'd gone. They came back after a week or two though, and I saw the look in their eyes as I served them. It was the look of complete and utter happiness. They were meant for each other. From that day on I wished that one day I would have that look in my eyes too," she looked deeply into PJ's eyes, as if searching for that look she'd wanted since she was 15.

"Sounds wonderful," PJ whispered into her ear, and placing a kiss on her lips.

"Do you see that look in my eyes?" she asked him hopefully.

PJ tilted his head, but smiled. "Yeah," he answered her truthful question truthfully.

"If I have that look in my eyes, do I really need anything else?" she was questioning her own integrities now.

"Do you _want_ anything else?" PJ's question was bordering on cryptic.

"I don't think what I want is an option for me anymore. I'm pregnant PJ, the ball's rolling now."

"So you don't want to stop it? You don't want to stop the ball rolling?" Now he really was being cryptic.

"Why aren't you giving me any answers?" she said, frustrated. She rubbed at her eyes, tired and emotional. "Are you going to leave this all up to me?"

"Of course not Jo," he replied. "But this is so much about you. You're pregnant. You're having a baby. A baby Jo, and it's you that's having it."

"But you're the father. We're in this together. You and me," Jo held back the tears somehow. She pulled an inner strength from within herself that she didn't know she had to hold them back. "I want to know what you think," she sighed.

"You want to know what I think?" PJ said. "I reckon we should go for it. Let's do this, let's have our baby. You always wanted kids, and I realise I do now too."

His answer had helped to make up Jo's mind for her. He _did_ want this, despite it being an unexpected accident, and if he wanted it, then so did she. Yes, the dream had frightened the living daylights out of her, but she endeavoured to put it out of her mind. To get on with life and not live it fearing what might happen.

As time went by the ball certainly did keep rolling. Everyday seemed to go faster than the one before. Sometimes it made Jo's mind blur. Perhaps her mind was a bit blurred on that Friday in September, a day that begun with bright sunshine over Mt Thomas.

Just before lunch, the station received a call informing the Heelers of a series of gunshots fired on a remote property on the edge of town. PJ and Susie were sent, as they were often a bright team together, with PJ's attention to detail and Susie's people skills, and Jo was on light duties for the mean time anyway. So reluctantly, Jo and Jonesy remained seated behind their desks, their surrounding paperwork anything but tantalising.

Susie and PJ headed out to the secluded farmhouse in the way they headed out to all jobs, but Susie had an uneasy feeling the whole way. But, deciding it was nothing, she kept it to herself, and she and PJ travelled to the scene in an almost eerie silence.

As they approached the gate to the property, Susie scanned the landscape cautiously. Her search picked up nothing out of the ordinary, but instead of putting her at ease it only increased her feeling that something was up. A womans intuition perhaps.

PJ parked, and they both got out of the car, closing their doors gently behind them. Not that anyone would probably hear them anyway it seemed, as they property remained deserted. It was run down and old, and the owners certainly didn't take much pride in their home. Susie and PJ jogged to the front door, guns drawn and on alert for the mysterious shots and whose firearm it had come from. Susie noticed the peeling pale green paint on the weatherboard house and the overgrown weeds that seemed to be just everywhere.

PJ motioned for her to check out the rear of the house, and she nodded her head and left him to investigate the front on his own. Susie jogged quietly to the back door, fighting her way through weeds and out of control blackberries. As she approached, she noticed the back door was wide open, not even a fly screen was there, and with a glance further on she saw the rusty fly screen lying in the tall grass, its mesh torn and useless.

She crept up the crumbling verandah steps and approached the door. Sticking her head inside, she listened for any sign of movement or life in the dark house. She heard a faint scuffling, which seemed to be coming from the other end of the house, but other than that, nothing.

She looked into every room, but found nothing. Perhaps it was deserted, she thought to herself. She made her way to the front to rejoin PJ and tell him what she'd found. Or rather, what she hadn't.

She looked around as she got to the front of the house. He was nowhere to be seen. She didn't call out his name though, old habits die hard, and police officers rarely take risks. She headed outside to look around more though. But the yard was as vacant as the house had been. Finally, she reached for her radio to contact him. But she reeled back in surprise when she couldn't get through. Reception was as clear as day out in this open land, so his radio must've been turned off. Her worries increased.

She went back to the car and radioed the station, telling them of her predicament. The Boss told her to continue searching; he had to be around there somewhere. As did the house's owners.

PJ's eyes fluttered open, but even though darkness surrounded him, it was still too bright. He closed his eyes again and willed the pain in his head to go away. It had been the butt of a rifle that had hit him, he was pretty sure. He'd seen it at the very last minute, as he was turning around after he heard a scuffling behind him. He didn't even get a look at the culprit, it had happened so fast. But God his head hurt. The pain was incredible, almost like he was drunk with it. He didn't have the strength to even open his eyes anymore, as the pain took over again and he slipped into unconsciousness.

Susie searched everywhere, even looking in places she knew PJ wouldn't be. But he was nowhere to be found and she was beginning to get that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach that she always got when she knew something was wrong. But she didn't relent in her search, and kept right on looking. She could just imagine what the Boss'd say if she gave up.

Isn't she lovely  
Isn't she wonderful  
Isn't she precious  
Less than one minute old  
I never thought through love we'd be  
Making one as lovely as she   
But isn't she lovely made from love

Love in its purest and strongest form rushed through PJ's body as he held his little girl for the first time. Words couldn't even begin to describe how beautiful she was, and he smiled down at the tiny bundle in his arms. Was there anymore to life than this? A child in your arms, the woman he loved by his side, their lives now complete as they became a family at last.

A little ray of sunshine

Has come into the world

A little ray of sunshine

In the shape of a girl

"Bloody hell," PJ muttered to himself as he slipped back into the world briefly. He raised his hand to his forehead, feeling the stickiness of the blood of the wound there. They'd sure given him a fair whack, whoever they were. The pain was almost overpowering, making him black in and out over time. However much he fazed in and out though, he always seemed to dream about Jo and their child.

Dusk soon was upon Susie and she'd still had no lucky finding her colleague. Defeated and ready to give up, Susie headed back to the car, unsure of what to do next. As she opened the passenger side door, a small building far in the distance caught her eye. It was the one place Susie hadn't looked yet. Desperate for some success, Susie, in a last ditch effort, locked the car again, and walked in the direction of the hut. As she got closer she began running, more certain with every step she took that this was where the detective was. The detective that was soon to be a father.

Susie sprinted across the dry paddock, her woollen pants protecting her legs from the scratching grass. Sweat dripped from her forehead and her heart pounded in her chest and as she neared the run down hut, a figure in the pink sunlight moved, and almost before she had a chance to react, a bullet stung the air, erupting in the quiet of the bush. She threw herself to the ground, covering her head with her hands as a volley of shots followed, filling the air with their ugly noise. Breathing hard, yet as quietly as she could out of pure, unbelievable fear, she shuffled forward, her heart in her mouth. She stole a glance upwards - lightning quick - at the person responsible for the shots.

It was a man, obviously under the influence, swaying in the breeze, his rifle by his side. His hair was ruffled, his shirt half untucked. He wore no shoes, and his skin was an intense brown tan colour, a leather look to it, obviously from an outback farming life.

He stumbled around for a few steps then headed back inside where Susie could hear him shouting. She bet her life he was shouting at PJ, and she quickly reached for her radio. "Mt Thomas 900 to Mt Thomas station," she whispered harshly into the portable.

"Mt Thomas station go ahead Susie," Bens voice came over the airwaves.

"I'm pretty sure I've found PJ, but I can't get to him 'cause he's in a hut with a gunman, who's obviously been drinki-" Susie stopped abruptly when another deafening shot rang out.

She heard a strangled cry that was muffled by more shouting from the gun man. It made Susie forget she was even holding her radio as she stopped abruptly. But Ben was certainly still there, trying to rouse Susie. "Susie? Susie! Are you still there?" Ben's voice was urgent and frantic.

Susie shook herself in the grass and pressed the button on the side of the radio again. Her eyes still glued to the tiny hut less than one hundred metres in front of her through the trees, she spoke quietly into the mouth piece. "He's just fired another shot Ben," Susie was scared. "He's drunk off his face, or high or something, and I know PJ's in there. I swear I heard his voice cry out," Susie had no clue what to do about the situation and felt so helpless.

"Oh Jesus," Ben breathed. "Ok, don't do anything ok? I don't want you in danger too. We'll send in reinforcements. Hang tight."

"Ok," Susie replied. But make it fast, please Ben. And…" she hesitated. "Don't tell Jo ok? She'll just worry and she doesn't need that."

"Agreed, she won't find out from me."

Susie waited, lying helplessly in the grass. She knew assistance was on its way, but oh it was taking a while. She felt so useless, lying in wait, unable to, as well as forbidden to do anything. And it seemed the storm squad and hostage negotiator were taking a lifetime to get to her.

But at last she saw a movement in the bushes thirty metres to her right. They were coming. They'd crept silently, unnoticed, even by Susie's trained eye, towards the secluded hut from the other side of the run down property, the opposite side to where the CI car was parked.

They crept like a stranger in the night towards the hut, bullet proof vests, helmets and firearms adorning them all. It reminded Susie of a raid she'd been apart of when she'd been stationed in Prahran. It made her shiver. That raid had not ended well, many had died.

Susie couldn't tear her eyes away from the squad and she watched, part in awe and part in fear for her colleague as all of a sudden they reached the hut, surrounded it and kicked the door in, yelling like mad men, and guns a blazing.

"Where are PJ and Susie Ben?" Jo asked, finally asking after looking up from her desks ten times already. Ben was pre occupied and Jo could tell. He had that look on his face where he was worried but didn't want anyone else to know. And it had Jo concerned, not to mention suspicious that something bad was up. Maybe she missed out on something when she'd gone to get the lunches just after 1pm. Whatever had happened she knew she was being left out of the loop somehow. Looking at Jonesy's face she became certain she was.

"Ahhh…" Ben stammered in answer, totally giving himself away, as he so often did. He couldn't keep a secret, although not for want of trying. "Susie radioed in saying they were searching the whole property, it's a bit of a mess, run down and all, you know…Nothing too serious," he walked quickly away from her and into the locker room, avoiding all eye contact, even with Jonesy.

"What's going on Jonesy?" Jo asked as she watched Ben walk away. Jonesy was saved from answering her question though by the radio buzzing into life. He leapt up and grabbed the radio, simply shrugging his shoulders at her. "Jonesyyyyy," Jo whined, frustrated now.

"Mt Thomas 450 to Mt Thomas station," came a voice on the radio.

"Mt Thomas station go ahead," Jonesy spoke into the receiver.

"We have no news on the situation at the Langley property. We have no news on your colleagues either, but are available to assist if you need it."

Jo's head snapped up as Jonesy's heart sank. "News on our colleagues? Jonesy!" her voice was rising as her fears were confirmed – something was wrong with PJ. No job ever took this long unless something had gone wrong.

Jonesy looked over at her with sympathetic eyes, shrugging his shoulders at her again. Jo let out a frustrated growl and got up, stomping quickly into the locker room, not even knocking, or caring if she caught Ben at the wrong time. She found him sitting on the table, his fingers kneading his temples and a troubled look on his face. "What's going on Ben?" she asked, saying it in such a way that it demanded an answer. She blew her fringe out of her eyes and Ben noticed not only the troubled expression on her face, but also the way her leather jacket was starting to look a bit on the tight side as her belly grew with each day that passed.

"It's nothing Senior Constable," Ben tried to pull rank on Jo – he was unsuccessful.

"Don't do this Ben," Jo growled. "Just tell me what has happened to PJ and Susie."

Ben sighed. He wasn't going to get out of this one. He pushed his fingers into his eyes then looked Jo squarely in the eye. "When you were at the pub, Susie radioed in saying she couldn't find PJ after she searched the house. But at a hut on the edge of the property she saw a gunman and thought she heard PJ-" Ben was cut off by JO sprinting from the room. Ben leapt off the table and ran after her frantically.

But he couldn't catch her. He stood at the beginning of the hallway near the key rack and shouted as he watched Jo run down the hallway to the back of the station. "She wasn't positive it was him Jo!" Ben sighed, knowing it wouldn't stop her. Nothing would stop her now.

The fear raced through her veins as she jumped stealthily into the four wheel drive, but she lost herself for a moment when she struggled to get the car into gear. "Come on!" she screeched, wrestling with the gear stick. "Why won't you go? I'm _in_ reverse!"

She finally got it moving, and sped backwards down the driveway. Her brain felt clouded, a feeling that wasn't unfamiliar to Jo during her pregnancy, so she simply dismissed it whist wrestling with the cars gears. She shook her head, and shoved the car into drive. She sped along the streets, even tempted to put on the siren and lights jus to harass the cars and people out of her way. She had to get to PJ, no matter what. God help them if he's been hurt, she thought. What would she do then? How could she go on if he died? It was too horrible to think about.

She sped along and, halfway there Ben began using the radio to try and persuade her to come back to the station and leave it to the professionals. But Jo ignored his pleas, her eyes trying to remain focussed on the road. But Ben wouldn't give up. He tried every line in the book to coax Jo back, but it was pointless. Annoyed at the irritating and persistent sound of his voice, she reached down and turned off the radio.

It was only a moment she bent down, but one moment was all it took. For one moment her eyes were off the road and suddenly so was the car. She looked up again, feeling the car veer off course and found herself staring into the huge bull bar of a wheat truck. She wrenched the steering wheel to the left, but, assuming Jo would swerve to the right where she was supposed to be, so did the driver. Jo wrenched at the steering wheel again in a desperate bid to get away from the angry headlights and rock solid bull bar of the enormous truck.

By some miracle they didn't collide head on, but it didn't make much difference. The entire drivers side hit the edge of the bull bar, smashing into the bonnet of the car with incredible force. It threw Jo out of her seat, and as she fell in a blur of crushing metal and shattering glass, her stomach gave a lurch and she wrapped her hands protectively around her stomach and screamed so loudly her throat felt raw instantly. Her head hit the dashboard on the passenger side and she fell head first below the dashboard onto the floor of the car, her lower back and legs spread awkwardly over the gear stick of the car and the drivers seat.

For a few moments before she blacked out she felt the horrific pain the gear stick caused, jabbing into her back, so much so it felt like it had broken skin, and the shards of glass that bit at her arms and face. It was a feeling that couldn't be described in the least bit successfully.

She let the pain take over, knowing she couldn't stop it anyway, and her eyes closed in one swift motion, taking her away.

Things remained in motion around her though – the truck driver rushing to Jo's aid, a passer by dialling for an ambulance on their mobile, other areas of traffic halting in awe and fear. But Jo lay motionless, her body still, her pregnant stomach protruding clearly from underneath her uniform, now dusted with wheat particles that had drifted through the air from the jolt the truck had received, over the four wheel drive and its open windows.

He came to again, albeit uncomfortably, only to come face to face with the barrel of a rifle. He was looking directly down it, looking death clear in the eye. He couldn't breathe, the fear ripping through his Lebanese blood. He was a detective, a good one, but he wasn't meant for this. There was nothing quite like being held at gun point. Of course, cops were supposed to be hardened against this stuff, almost invincible, but really, they were just human beings like everyone else. All PJ could think about was Jo and the child they were going to bring into the world in just four short months.

This guy, with his scruffy looks and his leathery skin, may've looked like a bit of a shit, but he knew what he was doing. He'd managed to drag PJ to the hut without much effort at all and Susie hadn't been able to find him there, so it must've been a good hiding place. And he'd thought ahead enough to point the rifle at PJ's head _way _before the cavalry had arrived. He had the upper hand. For the meantime anyway.

But every crook has a weak point. Even in the state he was in PJ knew this, and somehow knew it would be what would break this guy, at some point or another.

The raid and negotiator blokes were of course able to out number him, but with the gun pointed at PJ's forehead, this guy had the advantage. But one moment was all it took. One moment for PJ to grunt a distraction that made the gunman turn his head and look at his victim. Taking full advantage of the moment, a cop swiftly kicked the rifle from the drunks grasp and another tackled him to the ground. The drunk fell, startled, to the floor, landing with a dull thud and was instantly surrounded by a team of flack jacket and helmet adorned men.

And it wasn't until Susie came into view did PJ take a breath again. He was already slumped against the wooden wall, but now he allowed himself to slither further down and close his eyes, reassured he was now safe. Susie dashed to him and knelt his side, hugging him, so relieved her had come through relatively unscathed. She touched the deep red welt that begun bleeding again on his forehead. It looked nasty, as any whacking with a rifle butt would do, and Susie did her best to reassure PJ he would be fine and soon reunited with Jo.

In the church PJ and Jo sat together in the front row, his arm around her shoulder and her leaning in into his chest where she wept silently.

The church was packed – there was no mistaking this little girl had touched so many lives, and they all wanted to say goodbye. No one could believe she was gone, and didn't want to have to farewell her, but they all found themselves at the church that morning, mourning the death of Ellie Meika Hasham, along with her parents.

Jo, dressed in a black skirt and jacket with a brown cotton shirt underneath, barely noticed all the people in attendance at her little girls funeral though. She couldn't even look at the tiny white coffin in front of her, surrounded by a million white roses. Instead, she wept uncontrollably into PJ's chest. He kept a loving, secure arm around her as her tears fell, tears that Jo couldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried. She could scarcely believe they were burying their daughter. It was like sealing in the truth. She was definitely gone.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leaves you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

He sat by Jo's bedside, watching the tears fall from her closed eyes. It was just like when she had had that horrible dream. She was crying in her sleep and he couldn't wake her. In a way he didn't want to wake her. Because when she awoke, he'd have to tell her. She would've just come out of one tragedy to have PJ lead her into another. How could he do it? It would break her, if it hadn't already.

He got up suddenly, overwhelmed with emotion, and rushed out of the room, his breathing quick and rasping. In the hallway he let the tears fall as he put his hands on his knees and leant against the wall. His head down, his shoulders heaving, he didn't notice Susie coming. But when he felt her hand touch his shoulder he knew it was his friend. And when he looked up and saw not only Susie, but Ben too. Ben pulled PJ into an immediate hug, knowing it was exactly what he needed. As they pulled apart, Susie reached for PJ's hand and held it.

Listen to me now  
I need to let you know  
You don't have to go it alone

Sometimes you can't make it on your own  
Sometimes you can't make it   
The best you can do is to fake it  
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

"How's Jo? Ben asked softly, facing PJ and folding his arms across his chest, his face reflecting the concern he felt deep inside for his friend.

"She hasn't woken up yet," he replied. "The doctor said that sometimes the pain is too great that they don't want to wake up."

Susie squeezed his hand. "You've been sitting with her?" she questioned.

"Yeah, she been crying in her sleep," he sat down on a hard plastic chair that was bolted viciously to the floor. "How am I going to tell her Susie? Ben?" he had no idea how to even begin to tell Jo what had happened.

"I dunno mate," Ben answered. "I honestly don't know. But if you need me in there when you tell her, I'll be there."

"Me too," Susie promised.

PJ shook his head. "No, I have to do this with just her and me," he sighed and then looked up. "But thanks."

Jo felt herself awaken. Her body almost didn't want to, but her eyes were hungry for something to see – anything – after so much haze and blackness, that her eyes fluttered open. She turned her head slowly and painfully to the left, where she saw the man she loved just metres away, in the corridor outside her room.

As she turned her head, it felt like an iron fist was crunching her neck and she screamed out in pain. It made PJ come running. He sprinted into the room and was at Jo's side, sweeping her soft hair out of her eyes. Susie and Ben's faces glowed in the window nearby, stealing a glance in her direction every now and then.

Jo could do nothing but continue to cry out in agony as the pain hit her again and again. But there was something else wrong too. She could feel it, and had a pretty good idea of what it was. It was an emptiness that would never go away. An emptiness that would remain with her always, until the day she died. She didn't want to hear PJ say it though, it would just make it all the more real, and above all, she didn't want that.

"Jo," PJ tried to soothe her. "It's your neck, don't move your neck."

"What's wrong with it?" she screeched hoarsely, her throat still feeling raw. "Did I break it?" she shuddered inwardly, knowing that would be the end of her if she'd broken her neck.

"No, no," PJ replied. "You've got a few hairline fractures of two of the vertebrae in your neck. You're lucky it wasn't a hell of a lot worse."

'You reckon?' Jo thought to herself as she winced in pain again and painfully turned her head back to the centre so that she was staring at the ceiling. She was just waiting for PJ to tell her the other news. What else had happened. She knew it was coming.

"But ahh…" PJ stumbled, not sure of how to break such news to this woman who was already in so much pain. God this was difficult. "There's something else," he leant on the bed with his elbows and rubbed at his eyes before reaching towards Jo to put his hand to her forehead, its skin now cut and bruised, hoping to calm her a little. He swept her fringe back again, but she barely noticed his touch. Her gaze was focussed solely on the ceiling and it wouldn't move.

Jo started crying before he even said it, and it meant PJ had a hard time holding back his own tears. "You've miscarried," he whispered to her. "The impact of the accident did it, and the way you were thrown around," he didn't know what else to say, or do. There were only so many times he could sweep her fringe from her eyes.

"I can feel it," Jo wept, her eyes still not moving from the ceiling. "I can feel that it's gone, there's something missing," it tore Jo apart to admit this to PJ, and even more to herself.

Heaving heart is full of pain  
Oh, oh, the aching  
'Cos I'm kissing you, oh  
I'm kissing you, oh

It took a long time for Jo to get over the incredible upheaval in her life. She recovered slowly, and used up practically all the sick leave, red leave and compassionate leave she had to her name. She seemed less than willing to go back to work. Time had taken its toll.

She never spoke of having children again, although PJ broached the subject on a few occasions. He was met with a blank and distracted look though and nothing but silence. Jo was completely convinced that her and babies did not mix, and were never met to be. She'd lost any hunger she'd ever had to be a mother. It saddened PJ and made his heart ache and feel empty.

While he was grateful he still had Jo and she was still grateful she had him, PJ's whole body ached for a child to be apart of their lives. But for the months following the accident Jo remained convinced she would just miscarry again if she were to ever fall pregnant. And with so much trouble from the very beginning of her last pregnancy, Jo wasn't sure it was worth the trouble.

One thing PJ and Jo were happy about was the way life didn't turn out like the dream Jo had had months before. Sure, they had lost their child, which had been a boy who they'd named Connor, but their relationship didn't break down. It didn't fall apart. Rather, they grew even closer, Jo leaning on PJ for support when she needed it, and PJ willingly caring for her. His love for her grew everyday and in the months following her miscarriage, he nursed her back to health, reassuring her that the scars on her face from the cuts made by the glass from the accident were not at all noticeable. He bought her flowers everyday, which always made her smile. And soon it was not only the flowers that lit up a room, it was Jo's radiant smile as she finally returned to her old self. Happy go lucky make a joke and laugh Jo. She would never forget Connor, or the way she had lost him, or the terrible day in which she'd run out of the station, desperate to ensure the man that meant more to her than life itself was not in any danger. She'd never forget the image of the truck hurtling towards her windscreen, or the feeling of the gear stick jabbing into her spine, or the feeling of absolute pain, knowing she'd lost her child. It would never go away.

It was lucky that PJ and Jo had each other. Jo felt she would be lost without PJ, and it was him and the job she soon got a hunger and passion for again that kept her going. She worked through each day, concentrating on her tasks and becoming the best police officer she could be. She moved up the ranks and proved herself to those above her, earning respect and becoming known for her reliability and professionalism, much like the man at her side was known.

Several moments in her life stayed in the back of her mind forever, and she still remained cautious that one moment could change everything. She had learnt that, and was never going to just ignore that possibility. But she tried not to live in the past, knowing it would only hold her back. She quietly let PJ know, after months of seeing him down and hurting over the death of their child and Jo's recovery process, that even though she had totally dismissed the possibility of having a child ever again in the months after her accident, that perhaps one day one moment would change their lives for the better. Maybe one day they would have a child, and they would be a family. But for the meantime, she was happy where she was, and knew if it was going to happen it would come in time. She and PJ could do anything together.


End file.
